The whole world is ganging up on the Filipino people, or
so it seems.
How else to explain the loss of Jessica Sanchez to some
redneck in last month’s ‘American Idol’? And the latest evidence is Manny
Pacquiao losing for the first time in
seven years to some black dude (some black dude pa)!
Ano, coincidence lang ba?
What does the world have against us Filipinos anyway? We’re
just like everyone else, except of course there’s nothing better than being
Filipino. To put it crudely, we are superior to all other peoples. This is
proven by Charice Pempengco’s amazing voice, Jessica Sanchez’ amazing voice, Manny Pacquiao’s amazing voice, and Arnel Pineda’s amazing voice.
 |
| Inventor of the piano-key necktie himself. |
So that must be it. All these fucking foreigners are
jealous of us. And so we must do all we can to protect our motherland,
including but not limited to:
- Heavy import tariffs
- Oppressing visiting or residing Caucasians by making
them speak Tagalog in cheap rubbing alcohol commercials or comedy skits
- Investigating the genealogy of any successful foreigner
for possible traces of Filipino blood, and thereby crediting their success to
being Pinoy
- Failing the preceding bullet point, look if they’re
married to someone of Filipino blood (e.g. Ron Artest’s wife)
- As usual, voting in all sorts of online contests for
any Filipino contestants just because they
- Declare war on China. The more dead Filipino soldiers and civilians, the more heroic and proud we will be!
- Declare war on China. The more dead Filipino soldiers and civilians, the more heroic and proud we will be!
- Etc.
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