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| George Carlin said it best: They don’t give a shit about you. |
Apparently, three months is all it
took for people to shrug their shoulders instead of launching a renewed protest against CISPA, a reincarnation of SOPA.
Unless people deny not just particular laws, but the capacity
of a minority to fashion and implement such laws, politicians are going to do
as they please. Governments’ attempted control of cyberspace complements its
other encroachments (e.g. NDAA and MAP-21).
But people are going to work their way around such
prohibitions, as history tells us.
Here are my ideas.
DELETE ALL INTERNET ACCOUNTS
That’s right. Not just your favorite message boards or
porn sites, but even e-mail and… gasp, Facebook.
COMMUNICATE WITH FRIENDS AND ASSOCIATES IN (ANALOG) CODE
Choose your manner of cryptography. Personally, I
recommend opening-closing of blinds, eye-blinking, passing of notes solvable
only by the name of your favorite ice cream flavor, and covering your mouth
while mumbling cheek-to-cheek to the recipient of your messages (it isn’t so
important for them to hear you as it
is to feel the vibrations you make with your vocal cords). Avoid the postal
system at all costs.
 |
| Time for a change of address. |
FILE YOUR DEATH CERTIFICATE
Pose as your relative, obtain blank police or hospital
forms, and head to your city hall. Simple! Postmortem facelift optional.
Burning off your fingerprints mandatory.
CREATE INTERNET v2.0
You’re going to have to start connecting a whole bunch of
servers that may use the same domains (e.g. colorfulrag.com) but be totally
separate and independent from what we now know as the internet. This ‘second
internet’ (my terminology) will be the black market workaround for those who
could not bear to part with webcam shows and Farmville forevermore.
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| Only in the goddamn movies. |
WRITE TO YOUR CONGRESSMAN
With a little bit of persuasive ability, you just might
get your congressman to see the light as to the dangers of government intrusion
into any field of humanity. Even if you’re not American (like me), go ahead and
misrepresent yourself as a constituent. Besides, you’re supposed to be dead, so
you have no business writing anyone at all.
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